REPOST: This was one of my most read online docs and with all of the wonderful and beautiful engagements over the Holidays, I thought this was a perfect time to brush off the dust and bring this back out.
When cupid strikes and two people become engaged, what kind of questions do they ask? "What month do we want to get married in? Who should be invited to the wedding? What colors are we going to use? What kind of food do we want to serve?" The list goes on and on with details that will help make this day a very special memory for years to come. I love the details. Trust me, I do, this is why I am a wedding stylist. But the details are not the substance of your marriage.
During this time of year wedding blogs are flooded with advice posts on what to do once you are engaged to guide you through the questions above. I've even written a post like this before titled, You're Engaged... Now What?
Planning the wedding is LOADS of fun. But sometimes the planning and designing overshadows the preparation for marriage and important issues get ignored. "How do we manage conflict? Who is going to handle the money? How will the roles and responsibilities be divided? Where are we going to spend the holidays?" These are all questions that should be considered and discussed with your partner at some time during the engagement and before you both commit to marriage.
Truth be told, as a wedding professional, it is none of our business whether your marriage is solid or will last. But here at Fabulously Wed, we care. I am not a counselor or a relationship therapist. Nor will I ask you any personal questions about your relationship. But I do want my clients to have a lasting marriage and to be truly prepared for the journey that lies ahead because as wonderful as it is, it can also present you with some of the most challenging times and difficult life decisions you will ever have to make.
Getting married is one of the most significant, life-changing events you’ll ever face. Unfortunately, people don’t always keep this in mind as they plan for their wedding day and not for the more important months, years and decades that follow. Most couples assume their marriage will just work out, no matter what challenges they face.
The document I am sharing below contain a few thoughts for you and your fiancé to consider and discuss before committing to marriage. Answer the following questions for yourself using as much time as necessary to consider each fully and making notes of your responses and reactions. Also, share the exercise with your partner and allow him or her to consider it privately. Afterwards, schedule a time and place to discuss your responses in an environment that is free from distractions and stress. These questions center around your motivation to marry, the importance of exploring your core values and how they might differ from your future spouse’s, the need to prepare for personality differences that will intensify as the relationship matures, and how you envision married life.
But before we proceed, here’s an important point I’d like you to hold onto: Early on in their marriage, most of the couples that I’ve worked with didn’t think problems would arise! Couples rarely prepared for or felt the need to examine their relationship expectations. It was only after their relationship progressed that unexamined and unmet expectations turned into relationship problems.
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